If you are like many of my couples, you have been great...but you just need a little help. It just seems hard right now, and you both can't seem to 'fix it'. Most couples start out strong, but over time, can experience serious issues that could end the relationship. When I see clients for relationship therapy, I focus on a full assessment, looking for patterns of behaviour, conscious and unconscious, and identify any current and past issues and mental health issues.
I dig deep... to determine the following factors about you both:
Childhood history (basic)
Your Parents Relationships
How you currently argue / avoid aguments Ie. Silent treatments, Yelling, Swearing, Put downs.
Have either of the clients had/having an affair?
Work hours / Stress
Drug or alcohol issues
Mental Health Issues, such as anxiety or Depression
Patterns: Flip Couple, Dominating partner, Who is structured / spontaneous?
Control or abuse Cycle?
Great marital therapy is Goal Based
I will also ask what your goals are for the relationship, as marital therapy is very goal focused. I will also ask each of you to identify 5 x things you love about your spouse.
Not all relationhips can (or should) be saved
You may wish to come to see me alone, as you may be indecisive about whether they want to remain in the relationship. Once a person has reached 'snap point' it is harder to repair the damage to the relationship. Needless to say, I often find a client simply wanting answers...before they end the relationship. In this case, we could spend a few sessions talking, allowing the space to investigate / clarify feelings. I often use brainspotting to assist with deep subconscious blocks. This allows the client to make the decision from a grounded frame of mind, rather than feeling confused.
The problems won't go just by having Date Nights!
So many couples come to me and say that they have been working really hard...having date nights. That's great; but to heal a relationship, people often need professional help.
I show / teach you these vital 3 x things:
1. What you are doing wrong.
2. What you can do every day to fall back in love, communicate really well, and regain the sense of team.
3. How to argue effectively.
I teach all my clients all these things...over a nice cuppa, on a comfy couch. I try to make the process as fun, and as easy, as possible.
Hope to see you soon. I know we can work together well, and make your relationship amazing again!
How do I know? Well, if you both want an amazing relationship, then I simply give you the tools...the rest is easy. I've seen these tools work over, and over, again...and I've been using them for over 20 years, and I'm madly in love with hubby... We've been together for 31 years. Yes, it was rocky at the start, but these strategies got us back on track.
Why else would I write the book, Honeymooners Forever, Twelve Step Marriage Survival Guide?
Love Phoebe xo